The older and more (if possible) curmudgeonly I get the less interest I have in PR one-sheets. To those who’ve never been on the receiving end of one of these, it’s therein that we’re told our lives up to hearing Band/Album In Question have been slightly to grossly unsatisfying if we’d just own up to the fact and begin to sing Band/Album In Questions praises far and wide. Rent skywriters. Get buck nekkid and call down fiyah from the tippy-top of the highest point in your area, be it the local Dollar Tree or the Statue Of Liberty herself upon any who doubt the amazingness of – yep, you guessed it – Band/Album In Question.
These PR One-Sheets In Question, however, can range from the gag reflex-inducing to the stuff of legend. Hell, I should start saving these for posterity. Having just been eye-fucked by the one received for KALLOHONKA’s debut, Lazer Blood, I felt the need to let the chillin’ chillun know about the actual music within.
Roughshod ‘n’ ready, the septet slices into ‘Experimenting With The Dead’ with wild abandon, at times screamo in the vocal histrionics of the (count ‘em) three vocalists, at times dirge-slow, but at all times bringing the most important ingredient of all – the element of danger in rock. ‘Robotically Birthed’ begins, procession-like before shooting us through the cyborg-ian birth canal and into frenzied free jazz as interpreted by THE LOCUST, while ‘DMT’ slams BOTCH against BURMESE in complete orgiastic glee.
Lest you fear that the Texans are setting you up for around a half-hour of random noise, ‘Simulated Experience’ displays a level of musicianship and timing heretofore unexpected, horns and off-kilter rhythm work playing off each other admirably well before ‘Heaven’s Gate’ steamrolls its way through your brainpan.
‘Onward To Death’ brazenly closes out the debut, foot-on-the-monitor power metal, a riff worthy of Dianno-era IRON MAIDEN before all the pageantry caught up to them. And that’s all it’s really about, babies, innit, in the end? Did your ears have a good time with what they heard comin’ out the speakers, headphones, or PA at a live show? KALLAHONKA gets it. Now, smoke up, drink up, crank it up, and feel that Lazer Blood coursin’ through your veins! Charlie Sheen ain’t got shit on this shit.
Review By: Lord Randall
KALLOHONKA
Lazer Blood
Memory Terminal Records